But I have a problem.
From www.healthywomen.org -
Female Sexual Dysfunction:
Personal distress caused by one or more of the following symptoms associated with the sexual response cycle:
lack of sexual desire (check)
difficulty in becoming aroused (check)
inability to achieve orgasm (check)
anxiety about sexual performance (maybe if we ever had sex, check)
reaching orgasm too rapidly (I wish!)
pain during intercourse or failure to derive pleasure from sex (check and check again)
So there you have it. My problem.
It's been a problem for a long time. My first sexual experience was humiliating and horrible, and we didn't even have sex! And let's not even get started on the whole "losing of the virginity" thing. That's a story for later.
I've been to the doctor, and various counsellors. I have shelves and shelves of books on the topic. I have a drawer full of vibrators, including the slightly scary Rabbit Habit of Sex and The City fame. None of it has helped much, though. I don't read the books, I don't masturbate, and since we moved I no longer have a doctor or counselor.
There's something comforting about remaining broken. My husband and I have a good relationship despite the shocking lack of sex, and I've been this way for so long. What if I try to fix it and fail? That's my biggest fear, and the thing that's been holding me back.
If I never try to fix it, I'll never fail.
The thing is, I really want to enjoy sex. I want to feel sexy and not anxious. I want to have passionate, powerful, wonderful sex. (And I suspect that if I can fix this thing, other things will also get better.)
My goal is to have an orgasm this year. Whatever it takes. Books, counseling, medical attention, whatever. I'm going for broke this time. And you're welcome to come along for the ride.
It's unfortunate that sex is like riding a bike. Because I suck at that, too.
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