I had a meet and greet with my new doctor. I have a follow-up on the 12th. He’s friendly, and seems very open to discussing what might be going on. As soon as he looked at my history he suggested medication, specifically Wellbutrin. Although it can increase anxiety, which could be a very bad thing for me, it can increase libido and is an antidepressant.
It’s been years since the term “depressed” was one that I would label myself with. But. My mom is much happier now that she’s on Celexa. I have a history of depression. He might be right.
I feel very uncomfortable saying I have a “history of depression.” I think of people like Dooce when I think of mental illness. It seems to me that I’m just poorly equipped to deal with life in general, and that doesn’t count as a mental illness. My episodes in high school, and maybe even since, seem like whiny patheticness rather than a true illness. I haven’t earned the label of “depressed” - I’m just faking it or making excuses or something. It’s distressing to feel like you can’t even be depressed properly, but I guess that’s part of the problem.
I’m still looking for a counselor. I’m not looking very hard, but I am looking. I know I need to be seeing someone, but it feels like it’s too much.
I’m in a pretty bad space right now. I’ve had a migraine (damn weather) and I have to get blood work done tomorrow. The thought of needles makes me extremely uncomfortable. My stomach clenches, all my muscles tense, and my arms hurt in anticipation. Needles are nothing, though, compared to the thought of blood coming out of me. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. And of course, I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’m being tested for all kinds of things - thyroid, glucose levels, endocrine stuff…
On the one hand, I’m happy that we’re looking into this stuff. I’m really happy that I finally seem to have found a doctor who believes me, who takes me seriously and who immediately came up with possible solutions. He didn’t even suggest that maybe I just need some marriage counseling, and I appreciated that more than I can even express.
On the other hand… needles! Blood! I think I’m going to throw up.
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2 comments:
blood work: I *hate* needles, with a passion. I'd actually rather do it than let someone else, but nurses tend to frown on that! You should see if there is a pediatric nurse who can draw your blood...that is what I use to do, they tend to be more aware of needle phobias, etc.
depression: It is uber-important to feel comfortable with your doc and your counselor. I'm glad you are getting your blood check, as that can have an effect. As for meds, it is worth giving a shot, there are many meds out there...so give it some time, and hopefully you can find the right one for you. As an FYI....SSRI's tend to have an under-reporting of sexual side effects in the literature. Wellbutrin gets around that a bit by being an SNRI, so maybe that is what your doc is thinking.
So many people have suggested acupuncture for my migraines and tension headaches, but the thought of multiple needles at once - oy! The pediatric nurse tip is good. If I have to do any follow-up blood work I will look into that.
I'm on the fence about the meds. I want to look into it before I decide, and talk with both my doctor and a counselor before going ahead. I was on Celexa for a while but it didn't really seem to do anything for me. I was on something else in high school but I can't remember what it was. I never found a counselor that I felt comfortable in high school - the person I was seeing before we moved was excellent and I had more success in six months with her than in years previously. I'm hoping to find someone I click with like that, because it really did make a huge difference.
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