separating

I think that we just decided to separate.

At one point, I asked Chris "how do you feel?"

"Like my marriage is ending."

It's surreal.

I'm not really sure exactly what's happening, but I know that it feels like a relief. That may not last very long. But for now, it feels like relief.

There are a lot of things to think through. Rent here is really high, and I'll need another job. The pets are high-maintenance, and will be hard to find accommodation for.

Plus, I need to figure out if this is actually, really, truly, seriously, for REALZ what I want.

(I can tell you right now what I want - L. However.)

Also, and interestingly, we had sex twice today, and neither time was painful, and both times were after the Talk. So. There's that. That's got to be an indicator that this is the right choice.

I think I should feel guilty? Miserable?

I'm sure it will come.

Right now, I feel closer to Chris, and less resentful, than I have in years. Years.

The whole thing was so calm and non-combative. He was the one who first brought up the topic of divorce.

He doesn't want me to go, but wants me to be happy. I'm not sure if my happy is here, or out there. I have to work on that. I think I need to find a counselor, asap.